I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
