Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
