porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
