This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
