One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
