So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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