dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
