Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Text me some of your sweat
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