Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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