Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
