I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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