He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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