When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
