i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.