i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.