Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.