textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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