I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
