We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
