We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
