And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im holly from the hills drunk
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
