So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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