Whod you bang
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
