I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
