I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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