Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
