Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
