If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
