I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
