We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
