I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
