also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
