You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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