I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize