you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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