New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
