Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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