Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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