hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
