My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
