sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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