Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
