Nicole vs. Life
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
