I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
