Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
