you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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