Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
