Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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