D3 body, D1 cock
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
