Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
