Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
