so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
