I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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