He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
