I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
