Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
