3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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