my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
