dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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