I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
