I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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