i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize