Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
