hotel room ftw
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
