So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
