Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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