I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
