There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
