i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
