is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
