remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
