Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
