I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
