is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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