Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
